they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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