i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
