My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
