Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
