I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
