cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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