he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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