you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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