she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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