it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
