And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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