Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
