A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I am available for nakedness
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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