hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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