i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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