I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
