She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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