Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
