Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
