literally had 100 drinks last night.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
