that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
