he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
