i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
