One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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