im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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