Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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