end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
