I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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