dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
