Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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