Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
