is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
