I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
