im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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