yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
