Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
