its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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