how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
