i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
