I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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