Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
