Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
