Umm I'm too high to move.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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