Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
