so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
