i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
