I can text with my tongue
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
