He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
