The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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