I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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