i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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