he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
